Hello, friends and family!! I was talking with my sister earlier this week and we were discussing how we are both living vicariously through each other when it comes to our relationship with our mom. My sister, who lives in a different state, does not get to see my mom as regularly as I do but does get to exchange more undivided attention with her whenever they hear from each other. On the other hand, I am the one that lives much closer to our mom so I get to be there for her if she needs assistance or just to hang out with her grandkids a few times a week. In a fairy tale, we would both be spending countless hours of quality time with our parents. Realistically though, adult children find that it is almost impossible to do that consistently while still living our own lives. This is why it is nice that my sister and I get to be close to my mom in different ways, thus providing her a broader spectrum of bonding and support. Somewhere in there, our brother fits into the equation as well.
All of this talk of parents’ relationships with their adult kids has me thinking into the future about how close our kids will be to us whenever they fly the nest. I would love to be part of Charlene’s and Kim’s future adult lives, but would also welcome the possibility of witnessing their journeys from afar should they prefer. Perhaps due to my time in the Navy and with my siblings living in different states, it is clear to me that distance does not equal closeness. There are plenty of ways to be part of someone’s life without smothering them with frequent check-ins and updates. If the check-ins are welcome and reciprocated, then go for it. But what is more important than keeping the least amount of distance is keeping the right amount of distance. I find this to be true with any type of relationship.
I think it is great when adults are close to their parents, or any family members, but only when the connection is authentic and unforced. My goal is to be available for my daughters while not being a burden on them. Right now is different; the girls are minors and we parents are their guardians, which means that we will raise them in a way that we see fit whether they understand it or not. However, as they get older and transition away from childhood, it would be nice to get to enjoy some version of the relationship that our parents have with us, which seems to be a pretty good one. In that way, I guess I’m also living vicariously through my mom.
Fatherhood and Marriage 