I hear people say that if they had more time or money they would do such and such. Whenever I hear that, I think to myself that it is not that simple. Sometimes yes, it is that simple: I literally do not have enough money for a yacht. However, some people can spend thousands of dollars on a hobby but are reluctant to shell out a few bucks for a charitable donation. Some could spend an entire day binge watching a show on Netflix but would not dedicate a half hour to exercise. Many times I have overvalued or undervalued my time or money, although I would like to think I am usually pretty sensible. Either way, I think we are all guilty of this to some degree. To me, those of us who say we do not have enough money really mean that we do not have enough spending money. And those of us who lack the time also lack the energy and the desire.
I will start with money. All income and financial assets get divided into categories, either deliberately or subconsciously. Somehow someway, money gets allocated for things like food/clothing/shelter, other needs, and then stuff we want. It is ok to spend money on things other than needs, so long as the needs come first. The dilemma is in determining which expenses fall into which category and the ratio of those categories. Is it right to lock up half the value of our net worth into a mortgage? How much should we be investing and into what? Are cable TV or streaming services considered needs or wants? What about a laptop or a phone for the kids? Our minds are constantly calculating these scenarios in an effort to make wise decisions whenever we consider things like going out or staying home for dinner. Then we look over the family next to us and wonder if their appearance correctly represents their financial status. Are they broke? Are they loaded? Are they in debt? How would we really know? Especially in America where there are so many ways to acquire something, it can be a pretty difficult assessment just based on where they live or what they are driving or what photos they are posting on social media. But really, how much does that or should that matter anyway?
Time can be viewed in a comparable fashion. (I have described the way I categorize time here: https://fatherhoodandmarriage.family.blog/2021/03/27/how-i-view-time-management/) I have found myself committing to and waking up extra early for a day of golf but allowed my clean laundry to sit in the hamper for weeks instead of stowing the clothes away in the closet, which literally takes no more than three minutes. We have jumped at the idea of riding bikes or going to the park when the weather is nice, but embarrassingly put off organizing the garage or even washing the cars. I’ll bet we would put off grocery shopping if food was not essential for our survival. Our lifestyle provides us ample leisure time to experience some things we choose to enjoy such as jiu-jitsu, writing, and playing piano. But there is a mountain of other activities that we would love to spend more time doing if only we chose to prioritize them higher: basketball, racquetball, tennis, rock climbing, bowling, golf, reading, skating, running, jump rope, walking, dance class, art class, cooking class. Any of these options could be fun but also beneficial to the health of our physical, mental, or social selves.
What I am trying to say is that purchases and pastimes do not have to be defined by quantifiable values such as money or time required. If others say they can afford something, maybe they can and maybe they cannot. In my opinion, it is not up to us to judge what they can afford; rather, it is up to us to establish what we can afford. Only we know the intrinsic value of the things we spend time and money on, so it is up to us to cherish or detach these things accordingly.
Fatherhood and Marriage 